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BioWare Begins Internal Search for Someone Named “Sovereign” to Save Company After Anthem ala Nintendo

Satire
bioware

This is satire. If it’s something you can believe, that speaks to BioWare’s problems eh Bowser move over, BioWare is attempting to find someone internally to promote to CEO named Sovereign, to bring forth their powers to help save the studio after yet another flop has been released. Anthem, their first original IP since Dragon Age, has flopped because everyone on social media has said it has. Previous games, such as Mass Effect Andromeda were on sale for $9.99 shortly after release, being a game that was similar to the Halo games that didn’t have Master Chief, but with the trappings of a numbered Halo game. Nintendo recently promoted Bowser to rule over Nintendo of America, dethroning the bad meme that was Reggie, in order to instill an iron fist rule over the corporation. Hopefully, Sovereign, if they can find one, will come forth to save BioWare from itself and…

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Star Citizen Becomes Non-Profit Religion – Announces Tithe Packages and Star Aliens

Satire
yes star citizen

This is satire / sarcasm. If this reads too real for you, then uh, lol. Christ Roberts has announced that CIG and Star Citizen have reorganized into a non-profit, to assist him in purchasing big ticket items with the everlasting donations to his glorious ideas. Throwing away the tired and used veil of creating a game, which years upon years has yet to deliver anything but a barely working alpha, Christ Roberts has concluded that his game is more of a spiritual work than a physical one and the game will therefore launch in the afterlife. The ships you receive will be based on your good deeds in this world. For instance, if you tithe 10% of your income and give at every donation drive, you will likely get a mid-tier ship in the afterlife like most of your other Star Citizens. Failure to donate, but tithing will grant you…

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Bowser’s Takeover of Nintendo a Possible Move Against Disney

Editorials
seriously

Sarcasm and satire warning. The mouse better watch out. Its alliance with Square-Enix has taken it to a path where they’re able to use the Disney Princesses’s and the power of the keyblade to push the Marvel Universe forward and have Thanos become a household name. Until now there hasn’t been a great challenger to Disney and it’s empire based around damsels in distress and large purple monsters trying to destroy half the universe. Now Bowser is in control. One thing we know Bowser can do and that’s capture a princess. Kicking Reggie to the curb, Nintendo of America has allied with the one true super power that will take the kingdom of toads to the next dark epoch in the ever expanding war for you to consume media. While darkness falls over the Mushroom Kingdom and Bowser takes over the reigns, installing lava jets throughout the campus and turning…

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